Mr. Val Patterson’s life motto was, as he wrote in his own obituary:
“Anything for a laugh.”
At first, his obit starts off rather typically, listing what he enjoyed most in life. But the laugh comes in when he simply can’t keep the good guy act up anymore. As he went to his grave, he found the deep need to confess his life’s crimes. Patterson was a downright thief, on multiple counts. Only his ploys weren’t all about diamonds or rare paintings.
“As it turns out,” he writes, “I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Also, I really am NOT a Ph.D.” In fact, Mr. Patterson never actually graduated college. A clerical error resulted in not only a college diploma, but also an unearned Ph.D.
He adds, “I never did learn what the letters ‘PhD’ even stood for.”
Thankfully, he didn’t receive a Ph.D for medicine, or a lot more people would have written their own obituaries by now, but he did work as a professional electrical engineer. Oh, & that’s not all. Just to spite a “mean park ranger,” the man rolled rocks on top of a geyser to ruin the ranger’s day.
Patterson also admits to being banned from both Disneyland & SeaWorld, but gives no reason why.
What a life!