Messages To My Future (Present) Self?  

That poor kid. I felt a rush of her pain during this interesting reminiscing .. so much pain. Wow. Some are more on the hopeful side, & after reading the definition of ‘angst’ I don’t know a better word to use. 

💞Hope💞 I’m sure it helped me through. I’ve always just known there was so much more in store .. Aware of the delivery; no clue ’bout the package 🤔😅 

Maybe a few😶random clues .. 

Looking back now, in some of the poems the spiritual wisdom was in me at the time. I just didn’t know it yet. Some still ring true today, & some are even part of my current vocabulary, attitude .. 

Cool 💞 👀 💞  My teenage years were a hell on earth – at the time, for me – with my limited life experience. Turns out I didn’t really know how hellish things could get .. But those teenage years in that toxic home made me cry & cry & I remember I just wanted to die. Wow am I glad I’m here. 

Cuz shit got really fuckin’ beautiful🌷🙄

I used to look through my mom’s desk & drawers – looking, hoping – to find my adoption papers. I’d act out scenes every morning when I woke; I’d be waking up in a house I didn’t recognize, mistakenly in the wrong place, & I’d tiptoe around, trying to remain unseen. (I realized I’ve had ptsd since long before I ever knew it was a thing.) 

And so I wrote an awful lot of poetry from the ages of 14 to 16 – obviously just to get through .. And then I stopped, for almost 30 years. Haven’t seen these in ages; I couldn’t believe my eyes when I stumbled upon these tattered pages from all those years ago. 

Guessing it’s time to process that period of my life. I wonder what these poems want to tell me now 🤔 Took a look at a few .. 

I guess looking for a theme:

  • ‘Deathtrap’
  • ‘My Paradise’
  • ‘Drift Away’
  • ‘Without a Word’
  • ‘The Eternal Kiss’
  • ‘Goodbye’
  • ‘Forget the Pain’
  • ‘Hypocrisy’
  • ‘Her Dream’
  • ‘Growing Up
  • ‘Winter’
  • ‘You’re Gone’
  • ‘Empty House’
  • ‘School’

Hmmm. Theme .. what theme?? 😄💞 Got lots to go through, but I’ll post ’em two by two 😉

To free yourself from the pain of your past, you do not run from it, you run to it. 

You must go where the pain is. 

You find it, you break it open, you take a look at it, you have a chat with it & then you deal, you heal & you move on. 

You will get through it – never give up. The event isn’t there to hurt you – it’s there to Build You Up💃⚘🍃

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