My Favorite Place on Earth: Where the Sun, Sand & Sea Meet Me

The beach has always been my favorite place.

I’m in love with the Sun, Sand & Sea. They will forever call out to me.

Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian & I cry every winter; Montreal gets it pretty bad & this winter was no exception. Since December we’ve been buried under too much snow, enduring blizzard after blizzard & an average of about -15. And it didn’t shy away from the -20ish range either. And that’s Celsius. Yeah. Brutal.

Maybe it’s cuz the dude who drew the line separating Canada from the US drew it waaay too high. Must be the same guy who decided on 5 days of work & only 2 off. Jerk.

Salt water cures my Soul & it’ll cure yours too. GO! Soothe your Soul! Allow me to convince you with my previous post:

‘To Spend or Not To Spend: Experiences vs. Things.’

When the sun is shining, I’m smiling. When the waves crash upon the shore, I’ll be in there frolicking. Total relaxation in my paraíso 🙂 My only concern – which bartender to hit up for my next Mai Tai. This was our 4th trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic – cuz that beach is everything I want in a beach & more! Perfecto! You can walk for hours in either direction. I’ve been to Puerto Plata as well – but the beach kinda resembled Lake Ontario – not the baby blue sea & sparkling white sand I need loll Being able to see the mountains while on the beach was pretty cool though – seems I normally visit ‘sandbars in the ocean’ ..

Our fave was when we took the kids for a couple of weeks to the Mayan Riviera 2 years ago – a phenomenal trip. Normally I’m a sun worshiper; I live at the beach, barefoot in the sand with as little clothing as respectfully possible; always in close proximity to the beach bar – from sunrise til sunset. Especially if it’s only a 1 week vacay! But with the kids there, I got off my lazy ass & we did some excursions – Tulum – loved the ruins & the history of some of my favorite people – the Mayans & the Toltecs; & Xel-Ha – great snorkeling! I swam with a school of fish almost as big as me – first time & it was freakin’ awesome!! Rounding out a perfect day, their authentic Mexican fare & Mango Margaritas were delectable! We even enjoyed the downtown Playa del Carmen nightclub nightlife (up at 6:30am & with an all day full ‘Bubba cup’ I’m rarely awake past 10pm.) I never head south without my Bubba! A must have. Unless warm n sandy l’il plastic ones are what you’re into …

Many of the clubs are open air – so just strolling down the street you see everyone on the stages in the clubs dancing their little corazones out. They sure give Cancun a run for their money! Been there too, but wouldn’t go back unless I suddenly got the urge to see 18 yr old Americans puking in the streets at 8pm again loll And to top it all off, we discovered a diamond in the rough; this gem of a place in Playa del Carmen: ‘Los Tabernacos.’ Great little spot owned, managed & served by Quebecers. Dream job indeed. It was the end of May & the Montreal Canadiens made the playoffs & we enjoyed 3 fun-filled nights there eating, drinking & being merry. Great food, service & prices. Must return!


Cuba I’ve seen 6 times & I swore I was done with; 6 trips with me as Starvin’ Marvin’ ain’t grand! Cuba vacations are always a surefire way to lose weight for a picky gal like me. On my last trip there, I was finishing my breakfast on the beach; not able or wanting to finish my last sausage, I tossed it to a scrawny dog on the beach. He sniffed it & then he walked away! Even the dog won’t eat it?

Cuba really is a great little place with sweet people – the have so little but it makes them value the more important things in life – the things money can’t buy. I hope one day in the near future they invest in some spices & seasonings, & hey maybe even chefs. Yeah some good chefs. I do miss it, I know the island well & made a few amigos there; but I wanted ‘enjoying the food’ to be something I could do on vacation.

Check out my recent Cuban blog here: ‘An Enchanted Cuban Evening.’ And since we’re speaking of beaches: next month it’s a new adventure into uncharted territory! Yes please! Look at that beach!! Yeah baby 😉 That’s what I’m talking about!!

We’re off to Antigua 😉


Life as it should be.


Is Everything America Believes a Lie Yet? 

We’re almost there aren’t we? ‘He Who Controls Your Information Controls Your Reality.’  

The sheeple can’t swallow what truth is – they’ve been led so astray. They don’t even realize there’s been an aggressive “Disinformation Campaign” going on for decades. You share a little truth with them & they panic. So afraid to go against the grain, they echo the ‘Official Narrative’ thinking it’s the truth. Pouf!! Another clone created.

They’re too brainwashed to realize they’re being brainwashed. 

How can so many people still fall for the bullshit? How can that many still be sound asleep? Goes to show you how much people waste their time numbed out online – with infinite info at their fingertips, they’re not even researching to make sure what they’re being told is truth, & not a narrative, & part of a secret agenda.


Who to thank? Start investigating CIA / DeepState / USPoli / TheFed / Rothschilds /  Rockefellers / Royals / Vatican – a big bunch of the soulless f*cks destroying the world. The prerequisites to join: complete & total disregard for the planet, people, society, humanity; greed you’ll stop at nothing to feed; the ability to lie & deceive without a second thought; & absolutely zero empathy or compassion.

They repeat what is fed to them: “Conspiracy Theorist” is used to label anyone they disagree with, clueless as to how this phrase came about in the first place. They echo the media, not knowing that that term was created by the CIA in 1967 after JFK was murdered to dismiss the critical thinkers who saw through their bullshit.


If you still use the term “Conspiracy Theorist” – you’re an idiot. 

There’s no such thing.


 Stop being so gullible!! 

Think.  For.  Yourself.  

Go on now, do some research. Quit echoing the narrative.  



Is the #BigPharma House o’ Cards a Crumblin’? 

Smiling at the Thought.. 


Reuters:  Trump unveils plan to target drug dealers & traffickers.

‘President Trump’s new plan to combat the opioid addiction crisis includes seeking the death penalty for drug dealers & urging tougher sentencing laws from Congress for drug traffickers. ‘In addition to pursuing street dealers, the plan directs the DOJ to aggressively go after criminally negligent doctors & pharmacies & take criminal & civil actions against opioid manufacturers that break the law.’ 

My favorite part! So he wants to execute the drug dealers? ‘Splendid!’ 

Sayonara to the worst of the bunch!

RIP #BigPharma

Yeah, you. 

These are the richest drug dealers in the world: 

Johnson & Johnson: Market Cap: $356.89 billion ~ Q2 2017 net income: $3.8 billion

Novartis: Market Cap: $222.84 billion ~ Q2 Net Sales: $12.2 billion

Roche: Market Cap: $223.61 billion ~ First half 2017 group sales: $26.3 billion

Pfizer: Market Cap: $204.17 billion ~ Q2 Revenue: $12.9 billion

Merck: Market Cap: $177.63 billion ~ Worldwide sales: $9.9 billion


Odd isn’t it; all that money, & still more & more people are getting sick,sicker 😦 Especially cancer. Hundreds of thousands die every year in the US alone. So what exactly has Big Pharma been doing all this time? Aside from whipping out a new pill every week of course? And those pathetic commercials?! Their “We are not Authentic” lifestyle shines right through. No doubt all that FDA bribe money came from you the people. I’ll tell ya what they haven’t been doing though: Trying to find you a cure. Because why would they rid themselves of all the customers they ‘worked so hard to build scam?? Exactly; they wouldn’t. 


Their “solution:” Claim to cure the one ailment, but then they simultaneously put you at risk for about 27 other issuesdamn opportunists! And often, it includes death. Death. Are you gonna risk blindness, loss of limbs, a heart attack, a stroke, & maybe even death to eliminate your high blood pressure or your indigestion? Nope. Not a fan of  Russian Roulette.


Gee thanks Big Pharma! I’ll hardly notice my indigestion cuz ya know, I’m dead. 

The most efficient plan of action is NOT to waste time with the little guy at the bottom; Gotta cut the snake off at the head, of course! The swiftest way to eradicate a problem. Now go & find me the street corner, neighborhood dealer who makes more than Big Pharma does, & we’ll let them off the hook. Don’t worry, I won’t hold my breath 😉 


Hey Big Pharma:

I hope that in your next round you’ll choose to value human life over the almighty dollar. Chances are that just might happen, as I doubt your passage through to your next dimension will be anything close to pleasant. Instead of healing disease as you claimed, you knowingly & intentionally made the healthy sick & caused many sick to die. Higher intelligence frowns upon those kinds of things. Not big fans of those who make it their life’s work to deceive. Merchants of doubt. Those who choose to speed up someone’s journey to death’s door, to buy their 5th or 6th Ferrari – not giving it a second thought – are a special kind of evil.

Show me the money: Top 5 Big Pharma Verdicts & Settlements: 2015


Big Pharma, I can’t stand ya! You kill .. You murder hundreds of thousands of people per year – just in the US! All for those damn green dollar bills you hoard to buy more & more things you don’t need, uselessly trying to fill that empty, soulless void inside. Too bad this void cannot be filled with THINGS.


Cannabis. Ahhh, a wonderful, healing plant that grows amongst us, given to us by our Mother Earth. Medicine. A medicine so beneficial for us humans, it has a perfect score: ZERO.




That’s huge – & rare. How many can say that?? Not many ..

Peanuts .. even peanuts can’t say that!! 

Quite the Easy Decision – One I’ve thoroughly enjoyed for almost 2 decades 😉

The worst are those who echo the narrative & slam Cannabis tell you it’s dangerous – but they’ve never even tried it! 

That’s like me writing a book about “What it’s Like to Live in Africa,” having never even visited.

So your Propaganda & Disinformation Campaign – you can shove it up your ass & have a lovely day. No respect for those with no regard for human life. No one has the right to take away another human’s life. No one.

Unconditional Love: The Freedom to Be Who You Are

Unconditional Love. It’s this right here: 


Love doesn’t trap you, it sets you free ~ 💞💞😁💞💞

You’ll know when you’re in a healthy relationship when you feel you are a team. If you aren’t in a good place – an emotionally balanced, mature, stable, grounded state – forget about making it through any conflicts with a successful compromise. When you accept each other just the way you are, you give each other the space & freedom to grow & evolve. If you enter one of those “they try to change you” relationships, walk away. They aren’t in the right place yet. The last thing you want to enter is a needy, naggy, insecure, co-dependent, toxic relationship. Don’t do that. People gotta do things cuz they want to – not cuz they have to; or it’ll build up resentment.

Partners – the team – must be able to calmly discuss their concerns if & when conflicts arise; knowing they’ll be a given a safe space to voice what they need to & be heard. With the toxic, co-dependent couple, it doesn’t usually take long for someone to fly off the handle in a rage, unable to control their emotions, & reacting instead of responding. Both parties should have dealt with their shit, not needing to be with someone, but wanting to. When more people realize they are responsible for their own happiness, not their partner, there’ll be a helluva lot less of unhappy people.


Happiness is not outside of you – it’s a feeling – it resides insideAnd you get to choose how to feel (Imagine that!) so ‘Choose Happy’ & watch your life transform. It’s easy as choosing a blue shirt for work or a cheeseburger for unch! You make all kinds of choices every day; What’s one more? HappyJustBecause

Look at you go you Alchemist you! 







Recognize the Tools: We’re in Universe School!

What doesn’t kill you truly makes you stronger. To wish for a life with no bumps in the road would be a life without growth. 
There’s no telling what life will throw at you & trying to control that is futile.

So control the one thing you can control: YOU – & how you react to the things life throws your way. 

The good is great; but the bad is too – it’s a tool that makes you, shapes you, & will eventually no longer break you 😉

Look at the world through the eyes of gratitude, & your attitude will change your latitude 🎉


A Wrinkle in Time

This week has been all about getting myself retirement ready. It took me until my mid 40’s to finally decide to. I’ve always thought of retirement & retirement planning kind of as “A Wrinkle in Time.” A far off, long way away, ‘for the wrinkles in your future’ kind of plan. I can still hear the echo in my head, my parents voices telling me, “Save it for a rainy day!” “Bah humbug!”  was pretty much my constant answer.

I never really understood the logic behind it – so I should put it all aside, in case something bad happens? I should not enjoy it now? ‘But what if I’m hit by a bus tomorrow? Nothing is guaranteed!’ I’ve always just lived for the moment – the only time we have is Now – so I’ve always pretty much done what I wanted when I wanted.  I discussed the importance of spending money on experiences, not things, in my previous post: To Spend or Not To Spend: Experiences vs. Things.


And then what? Roll my wheelchair onto the cruise ship, shouting ‘WooHoo!’ through my dentures, hoping I don’t fall & break a hip, as I finally get to enjoy the fruits of my labor? If I even make it that far … “Oh I don’t think so!”

I’ve never trusted & been a rebel against the system for as long as I can remember. I don’t trust banks. I don’t trust the people who run banks. What if I put all my money in there, & then one day, ‘Oooops, Sorry, we’ve gone bankrupt, no more money for you.’ How many people have dedicated their lives to their employer, only to find out their pensions are no more? How many times has the gov bailed out big banks or corps, but the little guy – ‘Sorry about you!’ If there wasn’t so much corruption, they’d be more trustworthy ..retirement-ready

But – I must admit, it feels good to build. That wrinkle in time is getting closer & I think it’s wise to have a plan, just in case I’m not hit by a bus tomorrow!

I guess sometimes having a plan & being prepared is not such a bad thing after all 😉



A State of Soul

“Decide to be Happy.

It’s a state of mind.

A state of Heart.

It’s a State of Soul 😉




My Intentions

My aim is to provoke you into thinking for yourself.

To provoke you back to life.

To infuse you, to inspire you, to wake you up, to enlighten you, to motivate you, to elevate you.

Most people don’t realize how magnificent they truly are.

My aim is not to change you, it’s to shake you up & remind you who who really are.

My intentions are to empower you.

You are magnificent.

You are a beautiful embodiment of sparkling, radiant Love.


Silence the Noise

Even the word annoys me. Noise. Noisy noise. Ugh. I find it so unpleasant.

Life is filled with an incredible amount of various types of noise.

What you let into your sphere is up to you. You choose.

Noise can be the chatter of those who try to tell you what to do.

It can be a hundred opinions of how you should live your life.

It can be the toxic kind that drains you or tries to dump it’s negativity on you.

It can be a city that never sleeps.

It can be voices in your head.








Let it all go.


All the voices, the opinions, the chatter ..

Silence it all.

For only in silence can you connect to the only truth for you.

Be still.

Go within.

All the answers you seek are there.

YOU are Everything.

How a Failed Book Launch turned into a Love of Painting & Blogging

It was exactly two years ago, when I met someone through social media, & the spiritual group I used to admin for with 19 other wonderful souls, for Lightworkers & Empaths. A ‘How to survive in this wicked world when you feel so much’ kind of guide; a support group for ‘extremely sentient beings.’ I was in my element, having gone through so much crap, knowing that if I made it through anyone can. I lasted two years – it took a toll on me when I saw how many people just refused to wake up, stuck in their ‘poor me’ victim mode. I thought, ‘If I could just word it this way, they’ll get it this time.’ Much like my blogging 😉 But as we are well aware of, “Doing the same thing over & over & expecting different results, is – altogether now: INSANE! 

But the fierce desire I have in me to wake up the others can’t be an accident. 


“Soaring Through the Storm” was to be a compilation of 30 ‘earth angels’ stories – 30 people who’d made it through hell to get to their slice of heaven. The project was headed by the compiler in Toronto, with LWL Publishing House. Well – that’s definitely me! I was beyond delighted when I got the invitation to participate. I submitted my chapter & was ecstatic to hear it was just what they were looking for. Contracts were signed, payments were made. Could this really be the beginning of a new career as an author? Alas, like many projects, this one wasn’t without a few bumps in the road.  Between not enough participants, a drop-out, & a kerfuffle I’m not aware of, the project was shelved. My heart sank. Now what?

I looked for something else to throw myself into. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but it did: I found myself at the dollar store buying painting supplies. After watching youtube vids for inspiration, I came across one dude assuring people that the whole “I can’t draw or paint” spiel we self-hypnotize ourselves with all our lives was an outright lie & I think I set out to prove him wrong. Instead, he proved himself right. For $20 dollars, I bought some cheap paints, brushes & canvases. I set myself up on my living room coffee table over a tarp, full knowing I hadn’t a clue about what I was about to do.

With my brushes & paints all set-out, a cup of water for rinsing, my mini-canvas on my mini-easel, I set out to do I don’t know what. Really. I had only watched a few minutes of a few instructional vids, never being the patient type. I’ve been the Queen of starting stuff I don’t finish for far too long – ask anyone who knows my “I’m going to teach myself acoustic guitar” days, & about my friends laughter at my impatient frustration of not being ‘Jimi Hendrix’ in two weeks. After months of inconsistent self-lessons from youtube, notes n chords practiced in front of the tv, trying to build up those callouses, I realized that this is a lot harder than I ever thought.


But gladly, painting, I stuck with. Armed with orange I painted my first background, & with my favorite color blue I started painting some spirally shapes which started to look like a bunch of free flowing ribbons. I wish I had a picture of that background before it became what it became; but learning to photograph my work through its’ various stages was something I learned a little later 😉 I still cannot, even as I write this, produce an explanation that would satisfyingly describe how the painting came to be what it is. Looking back, I can only surmise that it was a strong connection to my intuition, or what I describe as the Universe.

For we are all connected. Consciousness 🙂 This & many other little things came together as one & gave me the proof I needed that this physical world is just an illusion & that we are so much more than just these physical bodies. That we can communicate with the Universe, & that I do. It is a living being of energy, of consciousness. As are we. Because what ‘magically’ appeared on my canvas could not have been a better depiction of someone “Soaring Through a Storm.”


How this girl who looks like me, or the tornado before her, or the angel behind the storm, seemingly summoning me into the golden light, appeared, I’m still not sure.

Then I discovered that Intuitive Painting IS a thing!

Learn about ‘Intuitive Painting’ with wonderful artist Flora Bowley.

And just let go. 


Now I know: The Universe wanted to show me that book or no book, I had made it through my storm.

And the chapter became my first blog, called “The Importance of Finding Yourself.”



~The Importance of Finding Yourself~

First blog post:

I often daydream about the state of the planet, & all the people; the world, the Universe, the other Universes, worlds & beyond, that I just know exist. I have a message for all those who are struggling & suffering. I wish I could pause time & say: “Hey, hold on a minute! Stop what you’re doing for a sec & just BE.”

I always thought once I’m better I’ll be able to start helping others, because I know I can – I’ve been through so many terrible things & come out the other side shining. I keep waiting & waiting & waiting for that day, the day I go back to ‘normal’, the day I’m not afraid, or stressed.

Where is that day? Is it coming soon? I wondered, what if it never comes, what if this is it? The rest of my days living in ‘survival mode’, just doing what I have to do to survive, just the basics, that’s it. Just passing time. Is that what I want? Is that gonna be good enough? It’s safe, that’s for sure, & I like safe. But I’m restless now.
It’s time to wipe the slate clean. I know I have a purpose here & it’s time I put the past behind me, once & for all, & move forward. I need to put it out there so that it can help others, and myself. This is the last piece of the puzzle that will heal me. That elusive corner piece. I’ve connected with a bunch of great new people, spiritual people, people who are like what I’m becoming. People that have woken up.

I’m so blessed to connect to these beautiful souls, & I need to start walking the talk.
Even I can’t believe how much I’ve changed. I look back at my life pre-27 yrs, & what a wild one I was. No fear, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, adventure seeking party animal. I used to say, some ppl are here to be doctors, lawyers, but me, I’m just here to party. I never worried about a thing. Oh how I miss that girl …. sort of.
You see, I didn’t have the wisdom I have now. I didn’t really appreciate things, took ’em for granted; I was lost. I was searching for something, I didn’t know it then but it was myself.


At 30 I really started figuring some things out. I always knew, ever since I was a kid, that there was something more out there. In grade school, I read those ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books, there were 5 that fascinated me, looking back now, I felt pulled to them – one about the Mayans, one about the Incas, & one about the Aztecs, one about UFO’s & one about Atlantis. There was something so familiar about them. Ancient wisdom! At 31, a friend gave me a book he thought I needed: “The Mastery of Love” by don Miguel Ruiz. Ever jump up & down while reading a book because you’re beyond excited to be reading your own thoughts & feelings?

That was more than a ‘lightbulb moment’, it was a 100 flash-bang grenades moment! I was at a very low point of despair at that time, a few more months in the situation I was in would have killed me. Everything really does happen for a reason & at the right time.


At that time, I was in the ‘bad 6 yr span’; it was after the first traumatic experience, during the second but before the 3rd. 3 terrible traumas, in a 6 yr span – one every 2 yrs. I didn’t sleep for a whole year! Saw a shink, tried some meds, made me worse (surprise surprise!), stopped them, then saw a psych, took self-defense classes & got an alarm system in my 3 1/2. Still didn’t feel safe .. there are some really sick people out there. Those who do harm to others physically or mentally .. I want to say I hate them .. but I know they are just lost.

ONLY HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. I want to get back to the carefree girl, or I should say move forward into a wise carefree girl.

I constantly ‘come back down’ to 3d to hang with my non-spiritual friends, but I don’t like it down there; don’t like the lower energies, but I spend time there, passing time & not living. The drama, the gossip, the egos, all the stuff that doesn’t serve you – it’s nonsense, static. I’ve been growing spiritually at such an accelerated rate over the years … but I’m not living in it full time. I’m still somewhat of a mess inside. I’ve been trying to get closure on all 3 traumas, to no avail, so never really let it go. People talk about forgiveness. And I’m stuck there. I can’t forgive any of the people who did those things because I’m still waiting for my justice. How can I forgive someone who doesn’t realize they did something wrong.

I can’t seem to.
That’s where my vacation comes in. It’s going to be a transformation & a half. I know it’s the doorway, the StarGate, if you will, that will transform me.


I’ve been having a reoccurring dream for about, oh, ten yrs now. Always on vacation, but I realize it’s my last day & I have to leave, but I forgot to go to the beach, forgot to take pics! As if that would happen!! I interpret that as my soul/spirit wanting/trying to go home/Caribbean … & I’m not allowed to even get a taste in my dreams !! Now that I finally am sane enough & making decent money, I’ve decided to take this trip in August. 14 yrs since I stepped on a beach, or in the ocean. It was never even close to feasible in the past decade. That’s CRAZY for me! I fell head over heels in love with the islands the moment I stepped off the plane. I remember when I got the Club Med job, how ecstatic I was !!! A dream come true. I had only taken my bartending course (after seeing Tom Cruise in ‘Cocktail’ – I was like, ‘Wow, ppl do that ??’)

I elaborate on that in this post: “To Spend or Not To Spend: Experiences vs. Things”

I instantly knew that’s what I was going to do. And I did 😊 I told all my buds I’m leaving Canada for good. I arrived in Eleuthera, Bahamas in 97, having never worked behind a bar. I told that to the local barmen when I got there. His answer? “No matter, you’re in the Bahamas now!!” Nice 😎

Down by the bay, Rum shop stop: 3 bottles for about $15US

After 1 year, it all went to shit. By my own doing. I know now it just wasn’t the right time for that for me – I hadn’t learned all the lessons I needed yet. I was still a party animal, drinking to excess, trying to escape myself. I didn’t know it then, but I see it now. I didn’t appreciate where I was, what I had, nothing. I drank myself right out of my Turkoise job, leaving a few weeks before my contract ended. Traveled some, went to the DR, to Miami, then did an eenie-meenie-minie-moe at the aeropuerto and went to Cancun. We bought a 1 yr open-ended ticket, yeah baby I was so psyched. Moving to Mexico. Living in Mexico. Now we’re talking. But alas, with the subtlety of a bomb, that dream ended on Day 2. There are 365 days in a year … so, not the 100th, or the 50th, but the SECOND day there, I got my drunk ass kicked & was left on the side of the road by the entrance of the Club. They found me all bloody, with my hands over my face rocking back & forth, repeating, ‘Why did they do this to me’ ….
According to the Universe, I wasn’t supposed to be there then. But that set off a domino effect downward spiral that I’m very lucky to be here to talk about now. BOY DO I APPRECIATE NOW!


My Quantum Medicine teacher @ the NHC last year was spot on I gotta say !!! I love energy. What a wonderful wondrous thing. She wanted us to recall how we came into this world; if it was smooth, then so shall your life be; if it was not, then fasten your seat belt !! And wow, how crazily spot on that is!! When I was born, my right foot was folded forward, almost touching my ankle. My parents didn’t think I’d be able to walk. Imagine that, 1971, excited about your first child, & then omg a handicap/disability. I felt for my parents for that moment 😦



As I grew it wound up straightening out (with the help of a metal bar under my booties), then grade school was the shoes with the platform under one to even out my leg – good times .. At ten they removed a part of my tibia in my longer leg so it would grow slower, letting the other catch up … so this 5’4 girl should’ve been about 5’9ish … So ya, guess that set the stage for the craziness to come; what a struggle. But I know now all those things/events had a purpose, had to teach me. I wouldn’t change a thing. Ahhh to go back down there in this state of mind/soul!


But first was the downward spiral; I won’t get into too many details about the 2nd incident, suffice it to say that after being so down from the Cancun fiasco, I pretty much picked up the partying where I left off, but took it much much further … going underground for 3 years into the rave scene. Don’t get me wrong, that time opened me up in many ways; I grew a lot. Had it just stayed that way, I woulda been fine – I had a fulltime M-F job in an accounting firm, and only partied/popped on Fri/Sat. Weekend Warrior. But then along came the smooth-talking conman, I now wonder if it was the devil himself … what an evil lost person that was. A sociopath/compulsive gambler/conman/manipulator/drug addict … all those traits you wanna bring home to your mama. Lol. But he kept that under wraps for the first 6 months – the Oscar goes to: E.K.

Long story short (that year is a whole season of Dr. Phil shows) … he took me for everything I had, conned my family friends & coworkers, I was living in this weird dual world. There was what he told me about something, then there was how I thought it really was. I almost went bonkers. Every time he was conning me, he did it so well. He made me believe I was crazy to not believe him – when in reality I wasn’t, I was right on. I was living 2 moments in each one – trying to explain it properly lol When I finally started to wise up to what was going on, he got abusive. I only took that for about 2 months, then finally left … only a shell of my former self. My earliest memory from after escaping that situation was standing in a store looking at bags of chips, & I was unable to make my own decision on which kind I wanted. Talk about giving up & giving away your power! Eventually, I slowly bounced back, rebuilt, & moved forward. It took years. If compound PTSD is a thing, I had it. Have it. I still l get flashes. To this day. A person can only take so much.

I think a person can take as much as they believe they can. Because whatever you tell yourself, is what is, is what becomes. Becomes reality. Your reality. You have a thought, then a little moment of reality is created. You have another thought, another little moment of reality is created, & so on & so on. Do you fully understand the sheer POWER of that statement? It means starting right now, you can create anything you want! Life IS just a series of nows. Strung together. So then of course, since you are the one who decides what to think, to set yourself up to have the best possible experience, why wouldn’t you only tell yourself positive things?! Knowing that we CAN create, that we ARE creators, help yourself out! Hopefully by now you’ve become you’re own best friend & will want to be good to yourself & create the most joyful experiences possible. And a Beautiful Life you shall have ***(Added in Jan2017)

Then in 2004, the worst thing of them all. I went to bed at 10:30 on a Friday night in May, then @ 2:43am I awoke to an intruder who was on top of me straddling me, arms pinned down & legs, his hand over my mouth & the other going for my pyjama buttons, all the while repeating don’t scream, don’t scream in french. THE NERVE !!! Who does that?? I couldn’t believe it was happening – I remember thinking I hope my murder will be loud enough that my neighbor wakes up before I actually die. Scrambling for a way to get out from under him, I bit the hand over my mouth as hard as I could, he punched me twice, but it worked, I pushed him off with all my might & screamed so loud people down the street heard it. And I chased the fucker right outta my apartment. He ran out the same way he broke in. My mind was trying to register what I was seeing. The back door open, the door’s window open, & the screen on the ground. It’s such a fucked up state to be in, you’re still trying to register what the hell is happening & how, but mostly you just want to save your life. To Live. I didn’t sleep for a year, I was too terrified to go to sleep. Who does that?? I was never the same after that.

They caught him 4 days later trying to get into my neighbors’, & I had already told everyone to be careful, putting signs up & being very vigilant. My neighbors beat him a little, & held him down & tried to come get me so I could get in a few kicks, but they knocked on the wrong door. Funny how shit like that happens sometimes.

The moral of the story is that I’m the happiest-go-luckiest-gal I know 🙂 Always positive, always smiling, always trying to spread Peace, Love & Positivity. Because it’s a decision. A decision I happily & naturally make every day. You should too 😉

I got the Golden Key. The secret of life, of happiness. Why we’re really here. One day I realized you don’t have to wait for anything to come along & make you happy, you just decide:

I AM Happy!

Somehow, I survived.

Happiness is a Choice.

Metaphorically I imagine myself in a big field, that is my life. There’s a fence, and the fence is the 40 yr mark. I’ve hopped over the fence to start this next half of my life, leaving the past behind, yet my shirt got stuck on the fence & I’m caught. Just wanna unhook my shirt from the fence. This trip will be cathartic. It’s a BIG DEAL to me. I’m 40 & it’s 2012. The time is now. So remember, don’t sweat the small stuff. Never expect anything. Just be happy the way you are, you’re perfect cuz you’re you. Don’t waste time worrying what others think, get out of those low energies – this is a note-to-self as well. I’m constantly researching reading & learning, I love it. I can do anything I want. But it’s been long enough now wallowing in ‘my story’. I don’t wanna be ‘my story’ anymore, I wanna just BE.